Altricial

by Roxxy Collie

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1.
In the play I wrote for you, I play day and you play night. I bow and exit to the right; You descend onto the stage. And there's just an empty page held for your soliloquy. The words were never meant for me, so I never wrote them down. In the play I wrote for you, spotlights border me in place. I call my lines out into space, hoping that you even care. Soon, I'm forced into the wings. Soon, it's time for your reply. I strain to hear the words, but I was never good at fighting sleep. In my mind, our light and dark can swirl together, tangle, spiral, and I look you in the eyes, see only mine. Then I know: this is my dream. I return as if to prove that you define my every move. Ending me is all you do in the play I wrote for you.
2.
In our meeting of the minds, you've got signal. I've got noise. You're the hook and I'm live bait. your scales sit empty without a counterweight. So begins our partnership. I'll tell you: honestly, I can be hard to take. but you'll get used to me. I'll bring my best when I can find it, and you'll see: I'll make it hard to breathe. But you'll get used to me. So we had to intersect. I'm all elbows and thumbs. You're the drill when I'm just numb. I'll let you drill until you hit the bottom. Ah - You've got theories; I've got plans. I will bolt you to the floor. Don't pretend that's a surprise. dangerous reactions that I decatalyze At our equilibrium, I'll think: Ironically, you would have been impressed by what I used to be. Everybody hits their grand plateau eventually. Why try to fight it, friend? You'll get used to me.
3.
Cover Songs 01:44
I've got to walk away from all of you. I've listened for too long. Your whole worldview in jingles with you singing right along and it's just cover songs in a dirty bar where everyone has heard em all before. So, arguendo, i'm inspired by your holy-rollin' cause. Then what the hell have you accomplished? Just let it go, because it's just more cover songs in a dirty bar where everyone has heard em all before. I'm done with coming in this place to sit and suffer Watching you sawing off one hand to spite the other And call each other cowards (like that would make them see) And call each other murderers with blood on their remaining hand ...just don't go saying it to me. I've got to walk away from all of you. I'm dizzy and I'm sick from your vile antagonism and your toxic politics. I'm not your sounding board. Don't go thinking I'm the choir and you can use me to rehearse. Cause mangling cover songs in a filthy fucking shithole only makes it that much worse.
4.
Hang Me 03:32
Hang me. Hang me from the highest star from a noose made out of gossamer and I'll swing so very far I'm your star. Hang me. Hang me from the highest height Only: be sure to tie it tight. We wouldn't want for me to fall, No, not at all. Hang me! Hang me from the bough where the cradle went. I'll be twisting in the light like an ornament. And now, suddenly, it's Christmas morning. I'll meet you there, coming down the stairs. Hang me tenderly, so I can know your caress across my fragile throat And leave me calm and reassured I've been secured. Oh, tie me tight. Leave me secure and reassured.
5.
Hard to Port 03:03
everyone signalling hard to port pushing ahead down your endless list taking our warnings for siren song confident something will come of this miles of confidence, confidence you'll sell anyone anything miles of confidence, confidence you'll sell everyone something to sell back to you. priced half again for reassurance it's true. can't see the color of the ink. firing our flares to the civil sky hoping that sleep brought a change of mind you rise to red skies at morning you are aggressively colorblind miles of confidence, confidence you'll sell anyone anything miles of confidence, confidence you'll sell everyone everything true to your word, we'll sound the klaxons and we'll all go unheard it doesn't matter what we say you're set on going your own way you fade from sight. once every century, the lunatic's right. maybe your time has come along. for once, I'm hoping to be wrong
6.
Baby Bitch 03:25
It's been a while since I've seen you smile But now you've come back again Came into the room and you saw my girl And you asked her how long it's been "A year", she said and you shook your head Said, "I'm surprised it's gone on that long" Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch For words I am at a loss Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch I'm better now please fuck off What else you gonna say when while you're back on your stay Maybe something, maybe nothing, we'll see It's just too bad, you're beautiful I guess I wasn't for you and you weren't for me Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch Please slip back into yourself Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch Go conquer someone else People say, "How beautiful, how sweet, how kind" You're perfect, you've got nothing to hide But I, for one, have seen the sun And the bitch that you've locked up inside Got fat, got angry, started hating myself Wrote "Birthday Boy" for you babe Now skinny and sick and paranoid Without a cent to my name Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch Fuck you, you stinkin' ass ho Most beauty I've seen, you come from a dream But I can't close my eyes anymore No, I can't close my eyes anymore
7.
Second Skin 03:06
Tell me: have you worn yourself out yet from climbing out, and falling back? You try to tell me that I'm cruel, as if I'm the one controlling you. So peel yourself from me, my second skin. And fill your lungs again, and learn to swim. You've got envy now, but envy's not your seventh sin. Where's your imagination? How long 'til you begin? I know you've seen this all before. So why can't you see it anymore? What's it like to drown in your own mind? How long's it gonna take until you find out When you lock your lips to mine in search of a second wind, you'll only find the strength to try again. You were flailing all around yourself. You couldn't see. Grasping at everything, all you found was me. Just me.
8.
Swipe Left 02:33
So what do you want with my attention? 'cause I read your resumé Maybe all you need to hear is it impressed me? Or maybe you're seeking a position and you're guessing I won't mind If you only ever see me from behind? I never knew that I could be so tired. A stab in the dark, here: someone hurt you. You need to to prove that I'm not her. Prove the negative and the obvious - how exciting! Or was it the crush who never saw you, and you're writing me to ask if I'll fix the past by putting on her mask? I never knew that I could be so tired. So what'll it take to talk like people?! I've got teeth, but so do you. I can't file them down to nothing for your comfort. And I got another fifty like you trying to find out what they need. Eventually, they always come around to me.
9.
Your Stare 03:40
I'm not afraid to return your stare. So take this as your final warning: That upper hand you thought was yours seems pretty eye-level from halfway through the door. Well, I'm not intimidated; that's not the reason you're getting your way. I'm not completely satisfied, but I'm signing the checks anyway. I'm not afraid to return your stare. I know you'll need it in the morning. You played too hard, and far too soon. I'm only folding as a courtesy to you. Oh, I know you think you're in my head. But you don't want to see you in there. It's fine if nothing's left. You don't win if you can't make me care. I guess you're taking what you need. But I won't hang around here today. I'm not completely satisfied, but I'm signing the checks anyway... ...was I in your way?
10.
Last Laugh 03:34
Before too long, you'll be just as poisoned as us. You discussed it with yourself, and you ruled against it, but your ruling only holds in the present tense. And suddenly: Before too long, we'll be brothers-in-arms in defeat. So I caution you: don't stop celebrating. 'cause once you set it down it's already too late for you. Try not to ask. We'll write your epitaph. You're laughing last. You're laughing last. Before too long, you can't even look back on yourself. And the wind will blow, and I will bend, and you'll be puffing up your chest and trying to pretend to hold it back. You'll speak your piece. Yeah, you'll hammer it in with some force. But the thing about words is they dissipate, and by the time they're all gone, it's already too late for you. You're laughing last, laughing last. Before too long, we'll be brothers-in-arms in defeat. 'Cause the wind will blow, and I will bend, and you'll be puffing up your chest and trying to pretend it's all a dream. But give it time! You'll be just as poisoned as us. So I caution you, don't stop celebrating. 'Cause once you set it down, it's already too late for you.
11.
Stranglevine 06:04
Once, she'd preferred the men to the plants Her need to enrapture them with her dance Vines sprung wherever bare feet would tread Hyacinth stage, and moonflower bed But the men shrunk away at night. Nature moved them towards a light of their own. Every night, the moon grew them apart. It was hard on her heart. Twice, then, the same man captured her gaze. Stretched out her limbs, she danced to amaze Body in bloom, desire had spread out of her skin and into her head. But the man shrunk away at night. Nature moved him towards a light of his own. Every night, the moon grew them apart to the death of her heart. Each dawn, the tendrils clung to her heels. Each dawn, she cruelly peeled them away. They held out their arms and begged her to stay, a trellis of bone to climb to the light. In the night, bruised and almost ruined from her lost struggle with the moon, looking down, she could see that her damage was real. And she longed to stand still. And ever-defiant, our heroine dryad, she stubbornly stares down the time and the tide. Men come to entreat her; as the vines wrap her knees, she says: "My hands are free. I'll be still 'til they can't strike at me." The vines sealed her smile, a statue at last. And once, she preferred the men to the plants.
12.
Suzisez 04:05
Suzi says she's out of time. The clock ran out at twenty-nine now, the hands keep pushing on without a sense that they mark anything of any consequence. She's had the time to wonder why she was always so scared of being childish that she never really tried to grow up. Just a girl playing at sales in her mother's pumps And the things that used to make it feel worthwhile, they now chew through the bones of that girl. she leans forward with her weak little smile, and says that she'll dissolve the little girl. she'll drink 'til she gets fat, and throw her hands up, and say that that was that. Suzi says the dice were loaded. She rolled her eyes before she rolled 'em, and sighed to the sympathetic croupier: "What's the point? The pretty girls get everything anyway." She didn't wait for the dice to land. Threw back her drink, and turned her back, and soon, she stood in the middle of the parking lot, trying hard not to whine that she should have had just one shot.

credits

released July 6, 2018

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Rick Spagnola, Dogwater Studios, www.dogwaterstudios.com

Artwork and Design: Felix Danger. Band Photo Credit: J. Saltsman Photography

Special Thanks to the Worst Little Podcast, Marianarchy, The X 100.1 FM, Jamie Woodham and Ian Sorensen, NV89, KWNK, Tahoe Onstage, Reno News and Review, Mikie Ramirez, Marjorie Barron, Shannon Beets, Jen Scaffidi, Kate Cotter, Lee Thompson, Dave Richards, Greg Gilmore, Anthony Andreatta, Daisy and Eric Foreman, Rhiannon Box, Mike Mayer, Raise The Stakes Projects, Jub Jub’s Thirst Parlor, The Saint, Shea’s Tavern, Momo Promo, Sassafrass, and all of our families, friends, and fans. Tip your bartenders.

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Roxxy Collie Reno, Nevada

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