Altricial

by Roxxy Collie

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1.
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01:44
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03:32
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03:03
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03:25
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03:06
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02:33
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03:40
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03:34
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06:04
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04:05

credits

released July 6, 2018

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Rick Spagnola, Dogwater Studios, www.dogwaterstudios.com

Artwork and Design: Felix Danger. Band Photo Credit: J. Saltsman Photography

Special Thanks to the Worst Little Podcast, Marianarchy, The X 100.1 FM, Jamie Woodham and Ian Sorensen, NV89, KWNK, Tahoe Onstage, Reno News and Review, Mikie Ramirez, Marjorie Barron, Shannon Beets, Jen Scaffidi, Kate Cotter, Lee Thompson, Dave Richards, Greg Gilmore, Anthony Andreatta, Daisy and Eric Foreman, Rhiannon Box, Mike Mayer, Raise The Stakes Projects, Jub Jub’s Thirst Parlor, The Saint, Shea’s Tavern, Momo Promo, Sassafrass, and all of our families, friends, and fans. Tip your bartenders.

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Roxxy Collie Reno, Nevada

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Track Name: The Play I Wrote For You
In the play I wrote for you,
I play day and you play night.
I bow and exit to the right;
You descend onto the stage.

And there's just an empty page
held for your soliloquy.
The words were never meant for me,
so I never wrote them down.

In the play I wrote for you,
spotlights border me in place.
I call my lines out into space,
hoping that you even care.

Soon, I'm forced into the wings.
Soon, it's time for your reply.
I strain to hear the words, but I
was never good at fighting sleep.

In my mind, our light and dark can swirl together, tangle, spiral,
and I look you in the eyes, see only mine.
Then I know: this is my dream.

I return as if to prove
that you define my every move.
Ending me is all you do
in the play I wrote for you.
Track Name: You'll Get Used to Me
In our meeting of the minds,
you've got signal. I've got noise.
You're the hook and I'm live bait.
your scales sit empty without a counterweight.

So begins our partnership. I'll tell you: honestly,
I can be hard to take. but you'll get used to me.
I'll bring my best when I can find it, and you'll see:
I'll make it hard to breathe. But you'll get used to me.

So we had to intersect.
I'm all elbows and thumbs.
You're the drill when I'm just numb.
I'll let you drill until you hit the bottom.

Ah - You've got theories; I've got plans.
I will bolt you to the floor.
Don't pretend that's a surprise.
dangerous reactions that I decatalyze

At our equilibrium, I'll think: Ironically,
you would have been impressed by what I used to be.
Everybody hits their grand plateau eventually.
Why try to fight it, friend? You'll get used to me.
Track Name: Cover Songs
I've got to walk away from all of you.
I've listened for too long.
Your whole worldview in jingles
with you singing right along
and it's just cover songs
in a dirty bar where everyone has heard em all before.

So, arguendo, i'm inspired by your holy-rollin' cause.
Then what the hell have you accomplished?
Just let it go, because
it's just more cover songs
in a dirty bar where everyone has heard em all before.

I'm done with coming in this place to sit and suffer
Watching you sawing off one hand to spite the other
And call each other cowards
(like that would make them see)
And call each other murderers
with blood on their remaining hand
...just don't go saying it to me.

I've got to walk away from all of you.
I'm dizzy and I'm sick
from your vile antagonism
and your toxic politics.
I'm not your sounding board.
Don't go thinking I'm the choir
and you can use me to rehearse.
Cause mangling cover songs
in a filthy fucking shithole
only makes it that much worse.
Track Name: Hang Me
Hang me.
Hang me from the highest star
from a noose made out of gossamer
and I'll swing so very far
I'm your star.

Hang me.
Hang me from the highest height
Only: be sure to tie it tight.
We wouldn't want for me to fall,
No, not at all.

Hang me! Hang me from the bough where the cradle went.
I'll be twisting in the light like an ornament.
And now, suddenly, it's Christmas morning.
I'll meet you there, coming down the stairs.

Hang me tenderly, so I can know
your caress across my fragile throat
And leave me calm and reassured
I've been secured.
Oh, tie me tight.
Leave me secure
and reassured.
Track Name: Hard to Port
everyone signalling hard to port
pushing ahead down your endless list
taking our warnings for siren song
confident something will come of this

miles of confidence, confidence
you'll sell anyone anything
miles of confidence, confidence
you'll sell everyone something

to sell back to you.
priced half again for reassurance it's true.
can't see the color of the ink.

firing our flares to the civil sky
hoping that sleep brought a change of mind
you rise to red skies at morning
you are aggressively colorblind

miles of confidence, confidence
you'll sell anyone anything
miles of confidence, confidence
you'll sell everyone everything

true to your word,
we'll sound the klaxons and we'll all go unheard
it doesn't matter what we say
you're set on going your own way

you fade from sight.
once every century, the lunatic's right.
maybe your time has come along.
for once, I'm hoping to be wrong
Track Name: Baby Bitch
It's been a while since I've seen you smile
But now you've come back again
Came into the room and you saw my girl
And you asked her how long it's been
"A year", she said and you shook your head
Said, "I'm surprised it's gone on that long"

Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch
For words I am at a loss
Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch
I'm better now please fuck off

What else you gonna say when while you're back on your stay
Maybe something, maybe nothing, we'll see
It's just too bad, you're beautiful I guess
I wasn't for you and you weren't for me

Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch
Please slip back into yourself
Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch
Go conquer someone else

People say, "How beautiful, how sweet, how kind"
You're perfect, you've got nothing to hide
But I, for one, have seen the sun
And the bitch that you've locked up inside

Got fat, got angry, started hating myself
Wrote "Birthday Boy" for you babe
Now skinny and sick and paranoid
Without a cent to my name

Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch
Fuck you, you stinkin' ass ho
Most beauty I've seen, you come from a dream
But I can't close my eyes anymore
No, I can't close my eyes anymore
Track Name: Second Skin
Tell me: have you worn yourself out yet
from climbing out, and falling back?
You try to tell me that I'm cruel,
as if I'm the one controlling you.

So peel yourself from me,
my second skin.
And fill your lungs again,
and learn to swim.
You've got envy now, but envy's not
your seventh sin.
Where's your imagination?
How long 'til you begin?

I know you've seen this all before.
So why can't you see it anymore?
What's it like to drown in your own mind?
How long's it gonna take until you find out

When you lock your lips to mine in search of
a second wind,
you'll only find the strength
to try again.
You were flailing all around yourself.
You couldn't see.
Grasping at everything,
all you found was me.
Just me.
Track Name: Swipe Left
So what do you want with my attention?
'cause I read your resumé
Maybe all you need to hear is
it impressed me?

Or maybe you're seeking a position
and you're guessing I won't mind
If you only ever see me from behind?

I never knew that I could be so tired.

A stab in the dark, here: someone hurt you.
You need to to prove that I'm not her.
Prove the negative and the obvious -
how exciting!

Or was it the crush who never saw you,
and you're writing me to ask
if I'll fix the past by putting on her mask?

I never knew that I could be so tired.

So what'll it take to talk like people?!
I've got teeth, but so do you.
I can't file them down to nothing
for your comfort.

And I got another fifty like you
trying to find out what they need.
Eventually, they always come around to me.
Track Name: Your Stare
I'm not afraid to return your stare.
So take this as your final warning:
That upper hand you thought was yours
seems pretty eye-level from halfway through the door.

Well, I'm not intimidated; that's
not the reason you're getting your way.
I'm not completely satisfied,
but I'm signing the checks anyway.

I'm not afraid to return your stare.
I know you'll need it in the morning.
You played too hard, and far too soon.
I'm only folding as a courtesy to you.

Oh, I know you think you're in my head.
But you don't want to see you in there.
It's fine if nothing's left.
You don't win if you can't make me care.

I guess you're taking what you need.
But I won't hang around here today.
I'm not completely satisfied,
but I'm signing the checks anyway...

...was I in your way?
Track Name: Last Laugh
Before too long, you'll be just as poisoned as us.
You discussed it with yourself,
and you ruled against it,
but your ruling only holds in the present tense. And suddenly:
Before too long, we'll be brothers-in-arms in defeat.
So I caution you: don't stop celebrating.
'cause once you set it down it's already too late for you.

Try not to ask.
We'll write your epitaph.
You're laughing last.
You're laughing last.

Before too long, you can't even look back on yourself.
And the wind will blow,
and I will bend,
and you'll be puffing up your chest and trying to pretend
to hold it back. You'll speak your piece.
Yeah, you'll hammer it in with some force.
But the thing about words is they dissipate,
and by the time they're all gone, it's already too late for you.

You're laughing last, laughing last.

Before too long, we'll be brothers-in-arms in defeat.
'Cause the wind will blow,
and I will bend,
and you'll be puffing up your chest and trying to pretend
it's all a dream. But give it time!
You'll be just as poisoned as us.
So I caution you, don't stop celebrating.
'Cause once you set it down, it's already too late for you.
Track Name: Stranglevine
Once, she'd preferred the men to the plants
Her need to enrapture them with her dance
Vines sprung wherever bare feet would tread
Hyacinth stage, and moonflower bed

But the men shrunk away at night.
Nature moved them towards a light
of their own. Every night, the moon grew them apart.
It was hard on her heart.

Twice, then, the same man captured her gaze.
Stretched out her limbs, she danced to amaze
Body in bloom, desire had spread
out of her skin and into her head.

But the man shrunk away at night.
Nature moved him towards a light
of his own. Every night, the moon grew them apart
to the death of her heart.

Each dawn, the tendrils clung to her heels.
Each dawn, she cruelly peeled them away.
They held out their arms and begged her to stay,
a trellis of bone to climb to the light.

In the night, bruised and almost ruined
from her lost struggle with the moon,
looking down, she could see that her damage was real.
And she longed to stand still.

And ever-defiant,
our heroine dryad, she
stubbornly stares down the time and the tide.
Men come to entreat her;
as the vines wrap her knees, she says:
"My hands are free.
I'll be still 'til they can't
strike at me."

The vines sealed her smile, a statue at last.
And once, she preferred the men to the plants.
Track Name: Suzisez
Suzi says she's out of time.
The clock ran out at twenty-nine
now, the hands keep pushing on without a sense
that they mark anything of any consequence.

She's had the time to wonder why
she was always so scared of being childish
that she never really tried to grow up.
Just a girl playing at sales in her mother's pumps

And the things that used to make it feel worthwhile,
they now chew through the bones of that girl.
she leans forward with her weak little smile,
and says that she'll dissolve the little girl.
she'll drink 'til she gets fat,
and throw her hands up,
and say that that was that.

Suzi says the dice were loaded.
She rolled her eyes before she rolled 'em,
and sighed to the sympathetic croupier:
"What's the point? The pretty girls get everything anyway."

She didn't wait for the dice to land.
Threw back her drink, and turned her back,
and soon, she stood in the middle of the parking lot,
trying hard not to whine that she should have had just one shot.

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